Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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