We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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