Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
