I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
