Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
