was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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