At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
