I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
