Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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