ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize