grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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