i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
