I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
