I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize