Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
