Cold hands, warm shart.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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