My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize