this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
