I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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