She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
