operation have a gay friend backfired
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
