We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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