so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
