Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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