I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
