Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
