she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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