thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
