last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
