You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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