I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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