He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
