I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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