I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
