She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
