my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
