In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
two words...techno handjob
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize