More tranny stories later!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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