Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
