Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
