So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
