She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
