woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
