Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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