We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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