and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
