My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What a dumb baby whore.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
