u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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