Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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