Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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