Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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