i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
