This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
