didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
