Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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