Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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