I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
