He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
