Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize