Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
