I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
