Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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