my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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