I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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