Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dignity is for republicans.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
