i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
