I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I party with great urgency now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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