look no pants
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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