If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
