I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
