just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
