Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
