I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize