Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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