There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize