You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
