I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
