I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
