If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
