My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
