I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I love black thongs
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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